Robyn indulges all of her children’s wants and needs. This is why she is completely unsuited for polygamy, despite her constant claims that she appreciates and understands it so much. As a hyper-protective mother, who is determined to give her kids all the things she didn’t receive as a child, she both actively and passively asserted control over Kody’s time and the family’s money, especially after Ari was born.
This meant that she wouldn’t allow her kids to be treated as full, scrappy, sometimes picked-on siblings by the other kids, so they never felt fully integrated. She didn’t teach Sol and especially Ari to adjust to their dad being away for stretches of time with his other wives and kids. She didn’t teach her kids to be autonomous, independent, and mature in response to their circumstances – they are perpetually coddled. To give birth to children within a polygamous family, and not be prepared to be a single parent very often to those kids and to teach them to go without, is an absolute threat to the entire family structure, as we’ve seen play out.
This directly contradicts the way the family had parented for 17 years. Janelle’s children were used to her being away working long hours, and Logan was parentified to fill the spot that Kody couldn’t or wouldn’t. Christine raised and did homeschooling for most of the younger kids, and her older daughters were quickly trained up into helping care for young kids and a household – again, because Kody was absent so often. The kids were all allowed to get dirty and practice independent (and sometimes risky) play, because there weren’t enough adults to manage them. Whether this strategy is right or wrong, it has led to most of the og13 becoming successful adults, with long-term partners, kids, careers, etc. Directly contrasted with Robyn’s children, the og13 are better equipped to handle life’s many challenges, because they experienced a certain level of safe adversity at a young age, and were imbued with self-confidence from it. And this happened naturally — Christine was raised in the culture, so she was trained to live it with her kids. Janelle is just a more nonchalant, hands-off mom.
I actually don’t think Robyn is wrong for being protective of her kids, especially as someone with pretty clear early childhood trauma. I just think she never should have entered an already established polygamous family if she wasn’t ready to let go of control and fully assimilate. By lying to herself (and the Brown family) about what she was actually able to handle, she created a completely unsustainable situation.
